Modern Mishpocha: Inclusion – Make the day sparkle for exceptional parents and kids

Jen Perzow

By Jen Perzow

I have a confession to make. Parshiot (Torah portions) that reference technical details such as those related to the Mishkan (Tabernacle), priestly clothing, and korbanot (Biblical sacrifice) are not usually among my favourites. Never mind trying to draw parallels to parenting! And yet, it is so appropriate that Parsha Terumah concludes February’s Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month.

In Terumah, we receive detailed descriptions of how the Mishkan should be built. These are specific instructions intended to create a physical space for holiness. The purpose for which the Mishkan is built – to create a space in which God can dwell amidst us – is the essence of the building. The technical specifications are important but they are supporting characters to the true objective of giving something ethereal and holy a physical space and presence.

My observation is that we may sometimes take the opposite approach when it comes to inclusion. We focus on structures that may facilitate inclusion but not always with a mindset of truly wanting to do what it takes to be inclusive. Structures and actions can represent our faith, gratitude and spirituality. But like an accessible ramp that goes unplowed after a huge snowfall, it takes a legitimate desire to consider other people’s lived experiences to actually make that ramp a useable tool and an authentic metaphor for inclusion.

“I couldn’t do what you’re doing.” I’m quite sure that every parent who has had the privilege of parenting a child with exceptionalities has heard this at least once from a well-meaning friend or family member. The truth, though, is of course they would. Parents of kids with exceptionalities didn’t get to stay after school for advanced classes in parenting. Neither they nor their children were consulted first and asked whether or not they were up for the task. For the most part, they got thrown into situations without the knowledge or skills to be able to handle difficult situations. And then they adapted. Like so much in life, inclusion is fundamentally about attitude. As a friend so aptly said, it’s about adopting a problem-solving as opposed to a problem-finding mindset.

Exceptionalities bring with them their own adventures. Living with them and parenting kids who have them can be isolating and frustrating and we tend not to speak openly about our challenges and successes. How incredibly fortunate we are to have JOIN, the Jewish Ottawa Inclusion Network, as a resource for parents supporting kids with exceptionalities and to offer consultative coaching to institutions that are trying to do better.

You know what is really going to make the day sparkle for one of our fellow exceptional parents? When things go as they are supposed to. When they can park in the accessible spot at school because other people who don’t have accessibility needs have been mindful not to park there. When they can get in and out of buildings with ease. When their children can participate in class because thoughtful and appropriate accommodations have been made.

The millions of details that we mostly take for granted every day: I know these can seem like little things and sometimes we get tired of people pointing them out time and time again. But they are so much more than that. They are representations of authentic inclusivity.

When those things go right it’s like a ray of sunshine. It is building something holy into our everyday experiences.

Have questions about JOIN? Would you like to be included in their Parent Support Group? Please don’t be shy. Reach out via their Facebook page or send an email to maddy128@hotmail.com.

Federation Report: ‘Inclusion is not an end – it leads to belonging’

Michael Polowin

By Michael Polowin, Chair

Jewish Federation of Ottawa

We were all at Mount Sinai. Our traditions hold that at the time of receiving the Torah from Hashem, all Jews, past, present and future, were there to receive it. Those confronting disabilities or mental health conditions were there with all of us.

February is Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month (JDAIM). It is a month where we recognize that all of our people are, our people. The Jewish Federation of Ottawa recognizes and embraces the need to embrace all of our people. We are striving to create a welcoming and inclusive community for all people. Here’s some of what that means:

We all have the right to choose our own Jewish journey. Sometimes that journey will be harder, as people work to deal with their personal situations. We recognize that, and we will continue to strive to make it easier, even though that will be an evolution, not a revolution.

We encourage empathy and a welcoming spirit, while urging all Jews to welcome people with disabilities and mental health conditions into their communities and personal lives. We will include people with disabilities and mental health conditions in all aspects of communal life.

Federation will advocate for the rights of people with disabilities and mental health conditions, and support them in making their own decisions about how they want to belong to their Jewish community. Having a disability or mental health condition must never be used as a reason to exclude someone from meaningful participation and contribution to this wonderful place we call “The Jewish Community.” Everyone has gifts to share as well as needs for comfort and community.

How have we done this already?  Federation was a major sponsor of the wonderful “Pushing the Boundaries: Disability, Inclusion in the Jewish Community” conference. We are partners with the Centre for Israel and Jewish Affairs (CIJA) in its efforts to advocate for people with disabilities and mental health conditions. That was a salient part of the questions posed by Federation and CIJA of the political parties in our last federal election. We support Tamir financially, and support their efforts to better the lives of their members. Personally, it was a great joy to participate in Tamir’s fashion show in November.

In that respect, we do not do things for people with disabilities or mental health conditions. We do things with people with disabilities and mental health conditions. JDAIM is a time to teach our organizations that inclusion is simply treating people as individuals, not as a group of “those” people whose needs can be met through special programs or occasional visits to synagogues. Just like you, people with disabilities can and must make decisions about how they participate in Jewish life.

Inclusion is not an end. It leads to belonging.

Recognizing Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month is only the first step. What you, your friends or organization does in the next 11 months will determine your commitment to ensuring that all people feel that they belong.

Belonging to our community has always been important to me. I trust that it is for you. Those confronting disabilities or mental health conditions are no different. They aren’t “just like” you and me. They are you and me.

Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month: On inclusion as a sacred value

“By caring for each other, by looking out for each other, by seriously addressing the needs of each other, we become truly whole, or wholly holy!” writes Rabbi Reuven Bulka. (Ashley Fraser)

By Rabbi Reuven P. Bulka

Rabbi Emeritus

Congregation Machzikei Hadas

Who is included? That is the question.

It is not a new question. It is a question that goes back thousands of years.

Ironically, it was a question posed by Pharaoh to Moses. When Moses demanded that he, Pharaoh, release the Children of Israel from bondage to freedom, Pharaoh asked, “Who exactly is going?” In other words, who is included (in your demand)?

Moses gave an answer that resonates for the ages. He responded: “With our young ones and our elders we will go; with our sons and our daughters.” (Exodus, 10:9)

Put bluntly, no one will be left behind. Everyone is included.

Why would Pharaoh have thought otherwise? Why would he have thought that Moses would leave anyone behind?

Perhaps this relates to the “intelligence” he had gathered, or the dirty tricks that Pharaoh engineered in Egypt, creating and supporting an anti-Moses group among the Israelites to undermine the effort to extricate the Israelites from bondage.

It is likely that Pharaoh was stunned by Moses’ response. Everyone, even those who opposed him, even undermined him, was part of the exit strategy. Whether they would want to leave was another matter, but as far as Moses was concerned, everyone counted, everyone mattered, everyone was welcome to join, be it Israelite friend or Israelite foe.

Pharaoh’s surprise related to how he would have reacted were he in Moses’ position. He would not have wanted adversaries coming along. If anything, he would have eliminated them. But that was not the way of Moses. Moses was an inclusivist.

And the bar of who exactly was included was very clear to him. Everyone who wanted to join, everyone in the community of Israel who wanted to align their destiny with the Children of Israel, was welcome.

Of course, inclusion then had a different connotation than it does now. Then it meant young and old, male and female, allies and adversaries.

Today, inclusion connotes all of the above, plus. It includes all those who in our incessant embrace of “progress” might be left behind, or given less attention, or not have needs addressed, among other reasons for neglect.

Think for a moment about the “inclusion” response of Moses. As a leader of a large community, he had to be concerned about elementary logistics. People in their most energetic years did not pose a problem. But the young who were not yet walking and the elderly who could no longer walk could be a problem.

One way or another, these groups were sure to slow down the movement of the group toward their destination. An argument could have been made at least regarding the elderly that it would be better for the totality if the elderly were left behind. There would be less health related worries, less concerns about the burdens of the extra care they would need.

Yet for Moses and the rest of the leadership, it was a no brainer. Nothing would stand in the way of taking everyone – not arguments about logistics, not arguments about practicality, not arguments about diversion of resources.

If the community leaving Egypt was not a caring community, it would by definition be a community of compromised values, less than a noble and deserving community.

In other words, by his response, Moses was telling Pharaoh, and all of us, then and now, that a community in which any segment is left out is a deficient community.

There is another significant difference between then and now. Then, it was a matter who was joining the Exodus. Now, it is a question who exactly do we care about, and for? We care about family, we care about friends, and we surely should care about those who need our care and concern. It is we who need to make sure that those who doubt if they are welcome are made to feel welcome. That process starts in the head and in the heart, and then branches out into real life, and tangible, meaningful action.

By caring for each other, by looking out for each other, by seriously addressing the needs of each other, we become truly whole, or wholly holy!