Modern Mishpocha: Inclusion – Make the day sparkle for exceptional parents and kids

Jen Perzow

By Jen Perzow

I have a confession to make. Parshiot (Torah portions) that reference technical details such as those related to the Mishkan (Tabernacle), priestly clothing, and korbanot (Biblical sacrifice) are not usually among my favourites. Never mind trying to draw parallels to parenting! And yet, it is so appropriate that Parsha Terumah concludes February’s Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month.

In Terumah, we receive detailed descriptions of how the Mishkan should be built. These are specific instructions intended to create a physical space for holiness. The purpose for which the Mishkan is built – to create a space in which God can dwell amidst us – is the essence of the building. The technical specifications are important but they are supporting characters to the true objective of giving something ethereal and holy a physical space and presence.

My observation is that we may sometimes take the opposite approach when it comes to inclusion. We focus on structures that may facilitate inclusion but not always with a mindset of truly wanting to do what it takes to be inclusive. Structures and actions can represent our faith, gratitude and spirituality. But like an accessible ramp that goes unplowed after a huge snowfall, it takes a legitimate desire to consider other people’s lived experiences to actually make that ramp a useable tool and an authentic metaphor for inclusion.

“I couldn’t do what you’re doing.” I’m quite sure that every parent who has had the privilege of parenting a child with exceptionalities has heard this at least once from a well-meaning friend or family member. The truth, though, is of course they would. Parents of kids with exceptionalities didn’t get to stay after school for advanced classes in parenting. Neither they nor their children were consulted first and asked whether or not they were up for the task. For the most part, they got thrown into situations without the knowledge or skills to be able to handle difficult situations. And then they adapted. Like so much in life, inclusion is fundamentally about attitude. As a friend so aptly said, it’s about adopting a problem-solving as opposed to a problem-finding mindset.

Exceptionalities bring with them their own adventures. Living with them and parenting kids who have them can be isolating and frustrating and we tend not to speak openly about our challenges and successes. How incredibly fortunate we are to have JOIN, the Jewish Ottawa Inclusion Network, as a resource for parents supporting kids with exceptionalities and to offer consultative coaching to institutions that are trying to do better.

You know what is really going to make the day sparkle for one of our fellow exceptional parents? When things go as they are supposed to. When they can park in the accessible spot at school because other people who don’t have accessibility needs have been mindful not to park there. When they can get in and out of buildings with ease. When their children can participate in class because thoughtful and appropriate accommodations have been made.

The millions of details that we mostly take for granted every day: I know these can seem like little things and sometimes we get tired of people pointing them out time and time again. But they are so much more than that. They are representations of authentic inclusivity.

When those things go right it’s like a ray of sunshine. It is building something holy into our everyday experiences.

Have questions about JOIN? Would you like to be included in their Parent Support Group? Please don’t be shy. Reach out via their Facebook page or send an email to maddy128@hotmail.com.

Federation Report: ‘Inclusion is not an end – it leads to belonging’

Michael Polowin

By Michael Polowin, Chair

Jewish Federation of Ottawa

We were all at Mount Sinai. Our traditions hold that at the time of receiving the Torah from Hashem, all Jews, past, present and future, were there to receive it. Those confronting disabilities or mental health conditions were there with all of us.

February is Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month (JDAIM). It is a month where we recognize that all of our people are, our people. The Jewish Federation of Ottawa recognizes and embraces the need to embrace all of our people. We are striving to create a welcoming and inclusive community for all people. Here’s some of what that means:

We all have the right to choose our own Jewish journey. Sometimes that journey will be harder, as people work to deal with their personal situations. We recognize that, and we will continue to strive to make it easier, even though that will be an evolution, not a revolution.

We encourage empathy and a welcoming spirit, while urging all Jews to welcome people with disabilities and mental health conditions into their communities and personal lives. We will include people with disabilities and mental health conditions in all aspects of communal life.

Federation will advocate for the rights of people with disabilities and mental health conditions, and support them in making their own decisions about how they want to belong to their Jewish community. Having a disability or mental health condition must never be used as a reason to exclude someone from meaningful participation and contribution to this wonderful place we call “The Jewish Community.” Everyone has gifts to share as well as needs for comfort and community.

How have we done this already?  Federation was a major sponsor of the wonderful “Pushing the Boundaries: Disability, Inclusion in the Jewish Community” conference. We are partners with the Centre for Israel and Jewish Affairs (CIJA) in its efforts to advocate for people with disabilities and mental health conditions. That was a salient part of the questions posed by Federation and CIJA of the political parties in our last federal election. We support Tamir financially, and support their efforts to better the lives of their members. Personally, it was a great joy to participate in Tamir’s fashion show in November.

In that respect, we do not do things for people with disabilities or mental health conditions. We do things with people with disabilities and mental health conditions. JDAIM is a time to teach our organizations that inclusion is simply treating people as individuals, not as a group of “those” people whose needs can be met through special programs or occasional visits to synagogues. Just like you, people with disabilities can and must make decisions about how they participate in Jewish life.

Inclusion is not an end. It leads to belonging.

Recognizing Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month is only the first step. What you, your friends or organization does in the next 11 months will determine your commitment to ensuring that all people feel that they belong.

Belonging to our community has always been important to me. I trust that it is for you. Those confronting disabilities or mental health conditions are no different. They aren’t “just like” you and me. They are you and me.

Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month: What does ‘inclusion’ mean for Jews?

Folksinger Craig Cardiff and choir director Deborah Davis lead the Tamir Neshama Choir in singing Cardiff’s song, “Safe Here,” during Tamir’s Stepping Out in Style 2.0 fashion show, November 4, 2019 at the Canadian Museum of History. (Howard Sandler)

Harvey Goldberg, a retired senior policy analyst at the Canadian Human Rights Commission, provides an overview on February’s Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month (JDAIM) in Ottawa.

Jewish Disability Awareness, Acceptance and Inclusion Month (JDAIM) is a long title for the simple idea that inclusion matters, and that our community is stronger when everyone has a chance to participate and contribute. JDAIM is a time to reflect on the barriers, social, attitudinal and physical, that make it difficult for people with disabilities and mental health conditions to be involved in Jewish life and a time to resolve to remove them.

So what does inclusion mean for Jews? A quote from the Talmud sums it up well:

A human being mints many coins from the same mold and each one is the same, but the Holy One, blessed be God, strikes us all from the mold of the first human and each one of us is unique. Therefore, every single person is obligated to say, “The world was created for my sake.” (Mishnah Sanhedrin 4:5). 

We are all – people with disabilities and those who do not yet have a disability – created in the image of the Holy One. 

Unfortunately, inclusion has not always been high on the Jewish communal agenda. Whether it be a raised bimah that makes it impossible for a person who uses a wheelchair to have an aliya, a Jewish school or camp that will not accommodate a child who learns differently, or a concern that people with a mental health condition will “disrupt” a community program, people with disabilities face barriers to inclusion every day.

But change is happening. A community-wide conference held last April, “Pushing the Boundaries: Disability, Inclusion and the Ottawa Jewish Community” provided the momentum.  The goal of the conference – co-sponsored by the Jewish Federation of Ottawa, Jewish Family Services of Ottawa (JFS), the Jewish Ottawa Inclusion Network (JOIN) and Tamir – was to educate about the barriers faced by people with disabilities, present best practices that foster inclusion, and help to inspire innovation in the Jewish community.

And the push has paid off.  The sponsors of the conference have continued to meet, and with the facilitation of Federation, have agreed to create the Committee on Inclusive Jewish Life (CIJL) with a mandate to promote inclusion for all members of our community. The committee’s invitation to other institutions in the community to participate in the committee’s work has been warmly received. If your synagogue, school, or agency has not yet joined in, make sure they do.

Jewish communities in Montreal, Toronto and several U.S. cities have dedicated Jewish staff professionals to support volunteers in promoting and advancing the inclusion agenda. One of the first priorities of the CIJL is to lay the groundwork for hiring an inclusion specialist for Ottawa.

•           More immediately, exciting activities have been planned to mark JDAIM in Ottawa. Throughout February, watch the Facebook feeds of Tamir, JOIN, JFS and Federation to see videos of community members explaining what inclusion means to them.

•           Kids from kindergarten to Grade 12 have until the end of the month to participate in JOIN’s Youth Leadership Award Challenge by proposing ways of making the community more inclusive for people with disabilities. (Find JOIN on Facebook for more details.)

•           On February 20-21, Tamir, in conjunction with Kehillat Beth Israel, JOIN, Jewish Family Services, Federation and the Soloway Jewish Community Center (SJCC) will host the visit to Ottawa of Ora Horn Prouser, the academic dean at the Academy for Jewish Religion in New York and author of Esau’s Blessing: How the Bible Embraces those with Special Needs. The title of her talk to be held at the SJCC on February 20 is “Limping Toward the Promised Land: How the Bible Pioneers Inclusion.” An interview with Horn Prouser is in this edition of the Ottawa Jewish Bulletin. Visit www.tamir.ca to purchase tickets.

This year, 2020, is a particularly good time to focus on inclusion because it is the bat mitzvah year of the coming into force of the UN Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (CRPD). The CRPD ratified by Canada, Israel, and 179 other states, established in international human rights law the inherent right of all persons with disabilities to equality, autonomy, independence, respect and full inclusion in all aspects of life on the same basis of all other members of the human family.

People with disabilities ask for no more, they deserve no less. Together we can make it happen.